nut hugger
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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