I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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