I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
