Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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