i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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