He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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