im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The uberlube is also flammable
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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