3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
