hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize