They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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