Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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