Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
