I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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