Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
