apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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