A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
God, I missed his penis.
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