I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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