She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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