Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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