My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
