You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
