That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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