and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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