i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
