you would pick up someone in the library
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry my hands just texted you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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