I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
