It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
