During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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