worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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