He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
