You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
