yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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