I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
