he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
