high people should be assigned attendants
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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