btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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