My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize