it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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