If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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