found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
