We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
