Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
