Me. At least after what I've been through.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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