We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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