It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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