she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
