I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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