new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
