I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
