I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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