i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize