I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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