Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
