Apparently you make a good broom.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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