I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They took my balls.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
