How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
