**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
