I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
