I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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