I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
