I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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