If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
