I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
