a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
two words: eviction party
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
