Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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