thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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