I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
