I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
