there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
