Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
