After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
