So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
