I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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