I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
