whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
