I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
