No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
