the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
