It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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